Collectively, I think we have become very hard on ourselves as parents.
Do you agree?
It seems there is so much pressure out there to be the “perfect” parent and to live up to unrealistic expectations.
I think many would say this is because we now have endless access to information at our fingertips: the internet, social media, etc.
And while it’s undoubtedly a wonderful thing to want to be the best parent you can be for your children, we know that aiming for perfection is not an effective way to get there.
We wouldn’t exclaim to our friends or partner, “Yes, I’m training to be the perfect parent this week!”
And yet, on the inside, that’s the standard many of us hold ourselves to.
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We have a hard time tolerating mistakes, especially when we believe we should know better.
We struggle with guilt and shame when we mess up.
We allow the tough moments to define our entire parenting journey.
Today I want to share an exercise that can help you achieve a bit more balance and perspective in your parenting.
➡️ Make a list of what went right.
Maintain a simple list of what went right that you can add to either before bed or throughout the day.
Keep it on your phone, in a journal, on the refrigerator. Anywhere you can easily access it.
And each day, add to your list. The tiny, seemingly mundane moments of calm can live side by side on your list with the bigger successes.
Your child ate a nourishing meal of eggs and fruit for breakfast. (Even if they then refused anything but mac n’ cheese for the rest of the day.)​
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You were able to calmly solve two sibling fights after school. (Even if you then ran out of patience and ended up yelling at bedtime.)
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You spent the morning outside on a long nature walk. (Even if half way through your children started complaining and when you came home you all watched TV.)
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Your teen spontaneously shared something about their life with you. (Even if they then spent the rest of the day in their room.)
The idea here is perspective.
It’s incredibly easy to get caught in a habit of only focusing on the bad.
Of course! The “bad” captures our attention, feels so much bigger and carries a heavier weight. And yet, when we look back and reflect on our days, there is ALWAYS some good there too.
With a perfectionistic mindset we ultimately fall into shame and guilt.
Remind yourself: “I got it right enough of the time today. Not all of the time… but enough. Tomorrow is another day.”
And in the moments you find your inner critic ready to take over, pause and recall all the other moments during the day (or the week) that you DID show up as the parent you want to be.
You’d be surprised at how many of those moments there are!
Will you try?
P.S. This is not to excuse or condone the “bad” and the mistakes that are inevitably made. It’s simply to encourage perspective and help you get to a place where you can pause, reflect and grow.
P.P.S. Do this exercise with your kids too! Do it together as a family! Have each person list out one or two things that went well 🙂 It’s never too early to foster a balanced perspective.