Talking about emotions is an important part of helping children develop emotional intelligence, but not all kids are eager to engage in these conversations. Some may shy away, feel embarrassed, or even act out when we try to empathize with them. If you’ve experienced this, you’re not alone.
You might follow a script, like saying, “I can see you’re feeling very angry right now,” but instead of calming your child, they become more upset. This happens because acknowledging emotions is like holding a mirror to their feelings—some kids feel comforted, but others may feel overwhelmed, vulnerable, or even ashamed. When this happens, children may act out, as they’re unable to manage the intense emotions they’re experiencing.
So how can you help your child process their emotions if they don’t want to talk about them? Here are a few strategies that might help.
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1. Use Fewer Words
It sounds simple, but in moments of emotional overwhelm, we often use too many words. When your child is upset, you might instinctively start talking—trying to calm them, understand their feelings, validate them, or even teach them a lesson. But sometimes, less is more.
Instead of long explanations, try short, calming phrases like:
- “I’m right here when you’re ready.”
- “Calm your body when you can.”
Sometimes, even saying nothing is okay. Allow your child to process their feelings without overwhelming them with more words. You can always revisit the conversation later when they’re calmer and more receptive.
2. Talk While Doing Something Else
Conversations about feelings don’t need to happen in a formal, face-to-face setting. In fact, lecturing or having a serious sit-down talk can make some children feel uncomfortable or put on the spot.
Instead, try talking about emotions while doing other activities. Conversations can happen during car rides, while playing, during meals, on a walk, or before bed. These casual settings often make kids feel more relaxed and open.
For younger children, you can incorporate fun imagery or imagination:
- “You seemed really upset this morning. Did you feel more like a roaring lion or a sad bunny?”
- “If you could draw a picture of how you were feeling yesterday, what would it look like? I wonder if your feeling was red or blue?”
For older children, try using personal stories or reflections:
- “I’ve been thinking about how you felt left out yesterday. When was the last time you felt like that? Do you think your friends have ever felt that way?”
- “Did I ever tell you about when I was your age and used to get so competitive? I would get really angry when I didn’t win.”
These methods help you talk about emotions without making your child feel too vulnerable or pressured.
3. Be Patient and Consistent
Sometimes, your child won’t be ready to talk about their feelings right away, and that’s okay. The goal isn’t to force a conversation but to create an environment where your child knows they can come to you when they’re ready. Continue offering them opportunities to express themselves over time. Patience and consistency are key in helping your child feel comfortable with discussing emotions.
Final Thoughts: Help Your Child Express Emotions in a Healthy Way
When children can express their feelings in a healthy, productive way, they become more regulated and functional in their daily lives. As a parent, your support and guidance are key to helping them develop these essential skills.
Want more strategies for fostering emotional intelligence and helping your child navigate their feelings? Check out my online parenting courses, designed to give you practical tools that can make a big difference in your home. Together, we can help your child thrive emotionally and build stronger connections.
- The Everything Toddler Course (ages 1-3): Designed to help you manage tantrums, hitting, biting, and more. This course sets the foundation for navigating your child’s most formative years.
- The Everything 3-7 Course (ages 3-7): Ideal for parents handling new challenges such as outbursts, lying, anxiety, competitiveness, and more as your child transitions from toddlerhood to early childhood.
- The Everything Siblings Course (all ages): Whether your children are fighting, teasing, or competing, this course walks you through the complex dynamics of sibling relationships and offers practical tools to build long-lasting connections.
