Are You Over-Parenting? How Doing Less Can Help Your Child Grow More

By Dr. Siggie Cohen on .
Coping Skills, Discipline, Parenting Advice, Validation

Do you ever wonder if you’re doing too much for your child?
Solving too many problems? Explaining every detail? Negotiating every moment?

If you find yourself constantly fixing, suggesting, stepping in to smooth things over, or negotiating, you may be caught in a pattern of over-parenting.

And you’re not alone.

The Modern Parenting Dilemma

Today’s parenting emphasizes emotional awareness, empathy, and attunement – all wonderful and necessary shifts. We listen to our children’s feelings, validate their experiences, and aim to be responsive, not reactive.

But in our sincere efforts to support them, we sometimes overdo it.

We over-accommodate.
We over-explain.
We over-negotiate.
We over-fix.
We even over-empathize.

And despite our best intentions, this constant intervention can leave both you and your children feeling drained, frustrated, and disconnected. And it can leave your child lacking necessary life skills.

The question we need to ask ourselves is: are we no longer allowing our children to struggle and face challenges?

Are We Helping Or Hindering?

It’s natural to want to help our children, especially when we see them struggling.
But here’s the truth: If we don’t allow our children to face discomfort, we take away the very moments that build resilience.

From a missing shoe to a fight with a friend, daily challenges are opportunities for growth – if we allow them to be.

The Balance Between Support and Independence

Being a supportive parent doesn’t mean solving everything. It means guiding your child through challenge, not away from it.

Here’s a practical example:

Your child says they’re bored.
Instead of immediately offering 3 activities or rushing to entertain them, you pause and say:

“I hear you. Boredom doesn’t feel good. Take some time to think about it and I bet you’ll come up with something to do.”

Or they’re upset about a class presentation.
Instead of saying, “Don’t worry, it’ll be fine,” try:

“You’re nervous – that totally makes sense. What part feels hardest? How do you want to prepare?”

These everyday moments are powerful teaching opportunities. Not for perfect answers, but for helping your child build their own problem-solving muscles.

4 Steps to Shift from Fixing to Guiding

Here’s a simple framework to support your child without over doing it:

1. Validate
Acknowledge their feelings: “Yes, that does sound hard.”

2. Pause
Resist the urge to jump in or rescue. Let them sit with the problem, even if it’s uncomfortable.

3. Guide
Invite them into the solution: “What do you think you can do?”

4. Empower
Affirm their capabilities: “Take your time. I’m here if you need help.”

Why Letting Kids Struggle Is So Important

Allowing your child to work through challenges, big or small, builds:

  • Resilience
  • Confidence
  • Emotional regulation
  • Real-world coping skills

When we fix everything, we unintentionally send the message: “You can’t handle this without me.”

But when we step back with support and trust, we communicate: “You are capable, and I believe in you.”

That belief becomes internalized over time. And it shows up in how they face the world.

Tools to Help You Support (Without Overdoing)

Building lasting resilience in your child takes patience and intention. If you’re looking for more real-life tools and scripts to guide your child through frustration, meltdowns, discipline, anxiety, problem-solving, and just about any struggle you may be facing, my parenting courses are here to help:

👶 The Everything Toddler Course (Ages 1–3)
Learn how to manage tantrums, hitting, biting, and big toddler emotions while setting the foundation for regulation and inner-trust.
Explore the Toddler Course

👧 The Everything 3–7 Course (Ages 3–7)
Support your child through transitions, feelings, outbursts, lying, whining, competitiveness, and so much more.
Discover the 3–7 Course

👧👦 The Everything Siblings Course (All Ages)
Turn sibling fights, teasing, and rivalry into moments of learning and connection.
Start the Siblings Course

🧠 The Everything Anxiety & Worry Course (3-teens)
Help your child understand, manage, and move through anxiety and worry – including separation, social, school, and performance anxiety.
Explore the Anxiety Course

Letting go of over-parenting doesn’t mean letting go of your child.
It means walking beside them, teaching them life-long skills.
And that is powerful parenting.