Emotional validation has become a buzzword in parenting discussions, but what does it actually mean, and why is it so important? For many of us, this concept is new—something we didn’t experience as children ourselves.
In past generations, tantrums were often labeled as attention-seeking, and expressing big emotions was categorized as bad behavior. Today, thanks to research and growing insights, we have a deeper understanding of children’s emotional needs. Yet, even with this knowledge, validating your child’s feelings can feel challenging in the heat of the moment.
If you’ve ever found yourself thinking, “How do I do this again?” or “I know I’m supposed to validate, but I can’t find the words,” you’re not alone. Let’s break down the what, why, and how of emotional validation to make it easier to apply in everyday parenting.
What is Emotional Validation?
At its core, emotional validation is about acknowledging your child’s feelings. It’s like being a mirror for your child, showing them that you see, hear, and understand their emotional experience.
This process helps your child feel understood and creates a connection between what they’re feeling and why they’re feeling it. Over time, this builds their ability to recognize and manage emotions independently—a vital skill for emotional regulation and resilience.
Think of validation as the first step on the pathway to emotional regulation. A child can’t learn to manage emotions they don’t understand, and validation helps them recognize and name their feelings.
Why Validation Matters
When you validate your child’s emotions:
- They feel seen and understood. This builds trust and strengthens your connection.
- It grounds them in the moment. Feeling acknowledged helps reduce emotional overwhelm.
- It models emotional awareness. By helping them identify their feelings, you’re teaching them a key skill for self-regulation.
Validation also sets the stage for teamwork. It shifts the dynamic from you versus your child to you and your child versus the problem.
How to Validate Your Child’s Feelings
There’s no one “right” way to validate emotions, but here are some simple, practical phrases you can use:
- “I hear you.”
- “I can tell you’re really upset.”
- “This feels hard right now.”
- “Yes, that does sound tough.”
- “I understand.”
- “You feel like nothing is going right today. First, we couldn’t go to the park, and now we’re out of your favorite snack. I get that’s really disappointing.”
- “I see this is hard for you right now. I don’t think it will always feel hard, but yes, it does right now.”
What Happens When You Validate?
Validation often helps children feel grounded and understood. This opens the door for productive problem-solving and collaboration. When your child feels like you “get” them, their defenses naturally lower, making them more open to communication.
Think about how it feels when someone truly listens to and acknowledges your emotions—it feels good, doesn’t it? You relax a bit, let your guard down, and feel ready to face challenges.
Common Misconceptions
Validation is often the first step in responding to your child’s emotions or behaviors – but it’s not the only step. While validation creates a foundation of understanding, it’s not a standalone solution.
To better understand when emotional validation doesn’t work as intended, explore why it sometimes backfires and how to address it.
Recognizing and addressing common misconceptions about emotional validation can empower you use this tool effectively.
When Emotional Validation Backfires: What to Do and Why It Happens
2 Common Misconceptions About Emotional Validation (And How to Overcome Them)
